In a health topics Q & A website where I was invited to be a health expert I was asked the question: “How do you recover from a miscarriage? My family thinks I should “be over” my miscarriage by now, but I’m still grieving. Is this normal?”
This is a very relevant question and so I decided to share my answer on my blog. My answer was:
“It is very hard for others to understand the grief of miscarriage.
If you had lost a child, then it is likely their reaction would be very different, as there would be something more tangible they can see you are grieving over. Also they may be grieving with you.
But with a miscarriage you have lost your child and so you are entitled to grieve. When I do an ultrasound in early pregnancy and you see at less than 10 weeks pregnancy a baby in utero moving its arms and legs, when you can detect an baby’s heart beating at just over 5 weeks pregnancy (when the baby is just over 3 week) old then it certainly is loss of human life you are grieving.
You need to see an obstetrician who had compassion and who can explain the likely cause of your miscarriage. Then appropriate action can be done to help prevent you miscarrying next time. And don’t blame yourself – it is not your fault!
Even if it was an unplanned pregnancy that you had, I find the emotional trauma is so huge that a woman what’s to try again. While you can’t replace the loss the best thing you can do is to conceive again and have a successful pregnancy. To be cuddling a healthy baby will help you move on more than anything else. But you will be very nervous in that next pregnancy and will need a lot of support and TLC especially in early pregnancy.
I hope all goes well.
Check out my web site at https://www.obstetricexcellence.com.au/questions-and-answers/miscarriage”